“WAKE UP, WAKE UP!”  wha? “You have 20 minutes to be dressed and have your bunks squared away and be in formation in the rear of the barracks.” Shit! I shoot off my mattress as if I was lying on a bed of acid laden pockets. Gotta make the bed I remember that making a good bunk always seemed to be somewhat important in the Vietnam movies I watched( yes I based basically all of my experiences off of the movies I’d watched as a child.) That being said I got down to the business of making my bunk. My dad was in the Army as well and my mom is a nurse so I knew a thing or two about making a bed. I realize that I haven’t heard any stirrings from my bunkmate I look around to see that a lot of the other guys are in the same state. How am I the only one who isn’t on edge and wound so tight that I spring at the slightest sigh? So I look up to see that Adam (Zimmerman I remind myself) still drooling onto his pillow. “Zimmerman. Hey dude it’s time to wake up!” I hear the other guys bumbling around all announcing their displeasure. “Adam dude WAKE. UP!” I guess using my “stern voice” worked because Zimmerman almost fell off his bunk. ” We have 15 minutes to have our bunks made and be downstairs dressed and in formation.” Zimmerman looks at me as if I just told him that he has to go slay a dragon or something. ” You got this under control?” I asked and point at his still unmade bunk. ” Yeah man I’m good.” ” Alright well I’m off to brush my teeth.” I go gather my things from my locker and head into the latrine.

                 There are maybe 20 guys milling around in varying states of dress. The sinks are full of guys shaving, I rub my chin and for once thank God for my genetics. I have never been able to grow a decent amount of facial hair. My first boyfriend used to make fun of me and my “mexi-scache” all the time. I realize that I can skip shaving today. I brush my teeth and head into a stall feeling a little self-conscious in front of all these dudes. Once changed and feeling slightly energized after what I can only deem a nap I head back to my locker to stow away my stuff, grab my gortex and head downstairs. “Zimmerman dude What the crap man??” “What?” ” Dude seriously? We have all of 10 minutes to head downstairs and your bunk looks like it did when I left and you STILL aren’t dressed! Look I’ll make your bunk you go get dressed.” “Thanks man!” “Dude whatever just hurry up!” Pissed off and a little harried, I make Zimmerman’s bunk. I finish and grab my gortex and head downstairs with my line mates in tow.

                It’s not that I haven’t been awake at four am before, but these are slightly different circumstances. The dark wasn’t the only thing to catch me off guard, the ice and cold definitely were the front runners on that. We are all herded into an awkward gaggle of bodies with the assistance of some hold overs (guy’s who have been here longer than normal due to some hold up, being an illness or wanting to leave whatever what have you.). “Look man ya’ll need to get your shit together. You left the trash in the cans and there were still bunks unmade. It’s gonna be hell for you ALL if you don’t tightin’ up.” “AT EAAAAASE!” now I have no idea what I’m meant to do at hearing this, but I notice that the hold overs fall into parade rest so I quickly follow suit. “Is everybody here? Everybody got their line buddy?” I check to make sure Ronk and Perry are both present. When I make out their figures I face forward again. “Yes Drill Sergeant!” we all say. “Gimme a count Ackton.” “109 Drill Sergeant” “109? So ya’ll lied to me? Who’s missing?” We all look around like who the hell is missing. “You two go upstairs and check the barracks.” “Roger.” Not a second after they left the two were returning and behind them the missing soldier. If you haven’t figured it out yet the soldier was none other than my bunkmate Zimmerman. “What the f*ck have you been doing boy?” ” I was getting dressed Sir and…” “First off ain’t no bars on my chest so don’t address me as sir. and Second how dare you come down to my formation looking all ate up. Who’s your bunkmate?” Really? Really? Sigh…” I am Drill Sergeant” I raise my hand break ranks incorrectly. “You let your battle buddy come down looking like this?” I was warned before I left for basic that you never want to draw attention to yourself  and you NEVER EVER Want to make excuses. ” Drill Sergeant I assumed that Zimmerman was a big boy and could get dressed without me holding his hand.” “Well you need to do a better job at helping out your battles. Now fall in.” Thanks Zimmerman…

We end up being led into a cafeteria or “chow hall” if you will, hustled through the line where the biggest chicken breast in the world lands on my tray. ” You have exactly 3 minutes from the moment you sit you tray down to be done.” WHAT? So I sit down and prepare to dig…” where’s your juice?” I look up to the red head Drill Sergeant staring at me. “I…” :Are you addressing me sitting down?” F*ck “No Drill Sergeant” ” It certainly seemed like you were. Anyway where is your juice? go get in line!” I look over and maybe it was because I was nervous and slightly freaking out, but that line looked like the Great Wall of China. Shit I’m not gonna gave any time to eat! Ok strategy time. So all I really need is protein so I’ll just eat the chicken! So after what seems like an eternity I finally get my juice and I practically sprint back to my seat. ” This table has 1 minute left” I don’t think I chewed any of the chicken. I was just swallowing it. ” Get up throw your trays away and wait in the hall. I grab my army green duffle that’s loaded down with underwear, pt clothes and a huge coat and wait in the hallway. Now by this point I just want to sleep. I look back at the clock, 0145. So we’re led through the newly melted ice to our sleeping place. So while we were still filling out paper work we were each assigned a number and we were told that if asked what our number was that is what we would give them and when we went anywhere were supposed to be in number order. “Get to know the person in front of you and behind you because you will depend on each other while you’re here.” 151 was my number and my line mates, Ronk and Perry seemed cool enough. So they lead us into this room where we get 4 of the roughest freaking towels, a pillow, 2 sheets and a scratchy green blanket. We are then led into this dark room that from the glow of the exit signs, you can faintly make out the shape of over 100 bunk beds. ” Alright males(because all the females were on the floor below us) this is where you’ll be sleeping and these are the guys pulling fireguard they’ll help you get sorted and show you where your bunks are.” So this guy, in what I know to be the infamous army BCGs( birth control glasses, which got their name because the glasses are so dorky and huge that no one will want to sleep with you), Steps forward ” Alright look it’s late as hell I’m tired you’re tired so let’s make this quick. I’m Atmore and thats Brody, We got fireguard for this hour so yeah. Here are the latrines, not bathrooms because those don’t exist anymore so don’t call it that. Alright so when I call your name and bunk number go find your bunk, go change into your PT’s, make your bunk and then go to sleep. It’s already 0200 so you won’t have very much time to sleep and tomorrow’s a long day!” I’m so exhausted by this point I don’t care I just want to sleep. “Thornton bunk 11 Za…Za… Whoever the f*ck this is with a Z you’re 12” I expected my bunkmate to one of my linemates but I guessed wrong. Surprise there. So I scan the mass of sleep deprived guys for my bunkmate hoping for some kickass Hooah spawn that’ll help me out! Instead this slightly out of shape white guy with what looked to be his own personal BCGs comes over. “Hey man I’m Adam.” “I’m Quinn. Nice to meet you.” ” Nice to meet you too! I’m so nervous man these people freak me out!” “Trust me I’m right there with you!” Adam is still rambling as I’m making my bunk. He tells me that he’s from Minnesota and he’s been working to lose weight to come here. “Well I’m gonna go change so I can at least get some sleep. “I say interrupting his reverie. I think the reality of the situation hit me as I strip down in the latrine to my bright blue American Eagle boxer briefs that SCREAM gay gay gay. So I brush my teeth and get in my bunk. As I lay there, I start to think about my family, my friends and the fact that I never got to say bye to my little brothers. For the first time in a long time I went to sleep with tears soaking into my pillow case with the ever present threat of a new day steadily approaching…

I somehow end up being the first to finish packing up my belongings which consist of: 1 red notebook bearing the crest of my former college and place of employment that held copies of my contract, a journal, another journal containing a play I’d started writing, and the 2 changes of clothes that I was told to bring and every travel size toiletry you could imagine! So finishing first I’m shepherded into a hallway and told to stand with one shoulder against the wall at attention and ” I better not hear one damn sound from either.” So trying to impress and show how well I listen I get on the wall and snap to attention. I’m pretty sure a few of my joints popped with the ferocity of my snap to. So I’m standing there eyes forward, bookbag on my back and nervous as shit. I hear the rest of my travel companions start to fill the hallway and they actually had the audacity to start talking. I was like Dude what the hell?? Do you have a death wish? ” Oh ok so that’s how it is? We do what the f*ck we want to? We set our own standards? Let me hear another sound and I swear to all that’s holy you’ll regret it.” They promptly fall silent only so we can distinctly hear “Sh*t who dat b*tch thank she talkin to?” Seriously what the fuck man? Who says this stuff? Haven’t you seen any Vietnam era movie? Drill Sergeants eat souls! ” What the F*CK did you just say to my battle, boy? Come’re! Right damn now?” No one moves. I’ve stopped breathing by this point because my best friend has always told me that if you hold your breath you become invisible. “Oh you can’t hear me now boy? I must look like a big f*cking fool to you huh?” some very harsh foot falls ” I already got an example! Everyone eyes on me” I have the tendency to over think things sometimes so in my crazy brain all I hear is NO IT’S A TRICK so I stay facing forward.” This right here is what we call a class A shitbag. This young man thinks he’s the sh*t. His friends probably idolize him. But here he’s nothing but what’s gonna cause you all to have a HARD F*CKING TIME here at basic. Now fall in and shut up” “Follow me. Hurry up, we’re on your time because no matter how long you take wake up is still 0400. I see a clock over these huge doors and it reads 0007 hrs….FML

“You have 10 seconds to empty all of your stuff out on these benches. Get some room. Spread out. MOVE hurry up!” Shit, shit, shit! Shes gonna find my 00g glass spiral earrings and flay my freaking head! So I spread all my stuff out preparing for inspection. I learned a LOOONG time ago that if things look orderly and organized there is no need to be all that invasive. Being that I am already slightly ocd I set all my stuff out like it’s on display at a gallery or something. ” Whats your name boy?” ” Quinn. Err Thornton? Ma’am? Drill Sergeant?” ” Where you from?” How can she ask these damn questions so breezily when I really think I just peed myself. “Alabama Drill Sergeant!” Yeah I figured that out REAL quick. “Hmm you don’t really sound like it. You must be one those refined types?” Never in my life did I ever think being called refined would feel like a huge insult. “Yes dr…” ” That didn’t require an answer. What’s this?” Fuck! She found them. I look down to find her holding my journal. Thank goodness. “My Journal Drill Sergeant!” she sets it down and tell me to pack up

Untitled

May 14

Another poem...

We hold on to the past because the future's quickly fading.

We cling tight to what we know

afraid of falling forward

so we're always looking back

It's with masochistic pleasure that we cling to every

Rejection

Fear

and Emotional torment.

We define ourselves by our past but, it makes the future look quite bleak

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May 14